5 Essentials to Keep Your Relationship Fresh

Here is an interesting article I found at Ezinearticles.com.




Relationship Help - 5 Essentials to Keep Your Relationship Fresh
By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Richard_Nicastro]Richard Nicastro

Anyone who is married or in a long-term committed relationship comes to realize that at some point there is a danger of falling into a lifeless routine. The vast number of marriage advice and relationship help books is a clear indication that couples are eagerly searching for ways to head off relationship problems and keep their relationship running on all cylinders.

Are marriage problems and painful relationship issues always inevitable?

Absolutely not-there are steps you can take today to prevent marital problems from taking hold and these steps can also help improve an already strong relationship.

Relationship help: 5 steps to a stronger relationship

1. Don't let frustrations mount

Fact: You're going to get frustrated with your spouse/partner from time to time-- you're only human, after all.

Trap to avoid: Too many couples let frustrations mount without clearing the air and addressing important issues. Unresolved issues have the tendency to fester and lead to bigger relationship problems-don't put your head in the sand and assume your marriage or relationship will take care of itself.

2. Validate each other

Fact: As your life becomes more and more hectic, it's easy to overlook each other.

Trap to avoid: Becoming temporarily preoccupied with competing commitments is one thing, taking the most important person in your life for granted is an entirely different ball game. Make an effort to check in with one another each day. Share the little things with your partner like you used to (when you first fell in love).

3. Don't let the negatives outweigh the positives

Fact: Conflicts and negative relationship patterns have a way of spiraling out of control if left unchecked

Trap to avoid: Research shows that for your relationship to remain healthy, there must be a greater number of positive interactions between you and your partner than negative ones. Make an effort to acknowledge and highlight any positives that occur between each other-and heap on the gratitude for the little things your partner does for you each day.

4. Make the effort to break up lifeless routines

Fact: Your relationship will fall into predictable patterns and routines.

Trap to avoid: Routines aren't inherently troublesome; in fact, many couples take comfort in their routines. However, continuously feeling bored and unenthusiastic about the time you spend together is a concern. If this is the case, the routines that once brought you comfort may be squeezing the life out of your marriage or relationship. You and your partner need to periodically infuse novelty into the relationship-stir things up by trying something new and exciting.

5. Find balance in your life

Fact: Taking care of yourself emotionally, physically and spiritually will help you be a better spouse/partner.

Trap to avoid: There are many different forms of self-neglect (working too much, repeatedly ignoring signs that you're not feeling well, consuming too much alcohol, not getting enough sleep...) that will adversely impact your ability to be a present, reliable and responsive spouse/partner. If you stop taking care of yourself, there will always be negative fallout for the people around you, especially the people who love you. Commit to taking care of yourself so you have the emotional reserves for yourself and the important people in your life.

If the idea of implementing all of these steps into your relationship feels too daunting, pick one or two and stay with them. Each one can make a positive impact on your relationship. And if your spouse/partner is open to it, share this list and make a mutual plan to incorporate these ideas into your daily lives.

Do you want to receive powerful relationship tips each month?

Visit [http://strengthenyourrelationship.com/relationship_newsletter.html]Relationship Toolbox Newsletter and sign up for Dr. Nicastro's FREE Newsletter.

As a bonus you will receive the popular free reports: "The four mindsets that can topple your relationship" and "Relationship self-defense: Control the way you argue before your arguments control you."

Are you ready to take your relationship to the next level?

I've just completed the newest [http://strengthenyourrelationship.com/relationship_store.html]Healthy Relationship Program e-workbook.

Richard Nicastro, Ph.D. is a psychologist and relationship coach with fifteen years experience helping individuals and couples live more fulfilling lives.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Richard_Nicastro http://EzineArticles.com/?Relationship-Help---5-Essentials-to-Keep-Your-Relationship-Fresh&id=2781792
Subscribe to articles

Here is an interesting article on what people should consider before they get married. Sue

Question - Are You Really Ready For Marriage?
By Dave A Patrick

Are you really ready for marriage? What exactly does that question mean? Of course we're ready you might say. We love each other and we want to spend the rest of our lives together. OK, fine you love each and love is very important and it can transcend everything else but people can fall out of love very quickly.

There are other things that go to make a long and happy marriage. And it is important that each of you should ask each other the 5 essential questions below and listen very carefully to each others answers about how you truly FEEL.

#1 Children

Do you want to have children? If so, how do you want to bring them up?

#2 Religion

How strong are your beliefs, if any? How do you feel about church and church going?

3# Money

How do you feel about money? Are you a spender or a saver?

#4 Family

How do you really feel about each others families?

#5 Sex

How important do you feel sex is in a marriage?

There are many more questions you can ask each about subjects like what food do you really like? What's your favorite vacation or hobby or movie star? But asking the 5 questions above are essential, if you wish to live together in harmony for the rest of your lives.

Why, you might question, should knowing each others TRUE FEELINGS about the subjects above be essential to your marriage plans?

The answer is very simple: Children, Religious belief, Money, Family, and Sex are the BIGGEST CAUSES OF DIVORCE in the USA today. Almost 50% of marriages end in divorce these days and the problems that lead to divorce are usually caused by one or more of the subjects listed above . Relationship experts believe that if all couples planning to get married asked each other the five questions above before they tied the knot they could cut the chances of their marriage ending in divorce by half!

So to all you couples planning to get married, question each other carefully on the 5 subjects above BEFORE you make that final commitment to spending the rest of your lives together.

Dave A Patrick will have been married to his wonderful wife Janey for 39 years come September. He believes that communication with each other is the secret of a harmonious marriage. You can get a whole lot more information about the questions you should ask each other here:
http://www.squidoo.com/questions4couplesbe4marrage.

Article Source: ezinearticles.com expert=Dave_A_Patrick
Subscribe to articles

What Women Need to Know About Moving In With a Man

Today, moving in together is perceived by many women as the step between falling in love and getting married. However, before my daughters do this, I want to make sure that they are armed with all the relevant facts.

1. First of all, don't rush into it! Being madly, passionately in love is such a short phase and should be enjoyed for a long as possible. Research shows that it usually lasts about 2 years for dating couples, but only about 6 months after people start living together. So you should enjoy the romantic phase for as long as it lasts!

The second reason you shouldn't rush into living together, is because many young women don't realise how difficult it is to extricate themselves from a live-in relationship. The only thing wrong with the relationship may be a feeling that says 'this isn't how I want to live my life'. That doesn't carry much weight when weighed against all the emotional and physical ties of a live-in relationship. So before you move in, take a good hard look at yourself and your dreams for the future. Then take a good look at the man you are planning on moving in with, because that may well be the man you end up marrying - for better or worse.

2. Women view moving in as being one step closer to getting married. They need to realise that men do not necessarily view it this way. A lot of men want to move in because it is more convenient. So have the conversation - are both of you moving in together because it is convenient, or because you both want to get married some day, or do you both have different expectations?

3. If the expectation is that you will marry some day, set a deadline before you move in. Research shows couple who live together more than 2 years are less likely to marry, and when they do, they are more likely to get divorced! So discuss how long you are prepared to live together without a firm commitment. This sounds odd, I know, but it is important that you both are aware of each others' expectations. This is not about threatening your partner with breaking up, but about respect and boundaries. For example, before I moved in with my now-husband, I told him that I would only live with him for a year without an engagement and then I was moving out. Of course, he felt pressured at first, but once I explained that I was not talking about breaking up with him, just moving out because of my own personal beliefs, he relaxed. We were engaged 6 months later.

4. Treat moving in as a trial marriage. You need to think about what you expect in a life partner, and be clear-eyed enough to see if your partner has those qualities. In essence, does he make your life better - or worse? Is he a good person but inclined to be a couch potato while you want to climb Mount Everest - or vice versa? For more on what women should think about before choosing a life partner, read The 10 Biggest Mistakes Women Make Before Getting Married.

5. Don't even think about having kids until you have lived together for a couple of years and you are confident that this is someone you want to spend your life with. While you can walk out without many complications if your 'trial marriage' doesn't work out, things change once children come into the picture. Sure, if he is a bastard, you leave. But what happens if he is a nice but dull man - and now the father of your children? Your responsibilities towards your children mean that you owe it to them to try to make the relationship work. As much as you are choosing a life partner for yourself, you are also choosing a father for your children - so think about what attributes you are looking for in a father - health, affection, good values, and a shared philosophy of child-raising.



Finally, let me quote the advice given to young women in 1918:
"There can be no question but that love is the essential foundation of all true marriage, and yet Love, as that word is commonly used, is not enough.

There must be a strong physical attraction in order that there may be a harmonious and life-giving physical relationship.

There must be mental companionship in order that, as the years go by, the two may grow more and more intimately into each other's lives.

There must also be a spiritual union. They must have common aims, ideals, and a common attitude toward life and its great purposes. It is only in this highest realm of the spiritual, as we call it, that an enduring union can exist, and without this, the coming together of the two individuals may prove to be only temporary." (from Old and New)

In all the years that have passed since, not much has changed! Let me leave you with this final thought - choose wisely before allowing yourself to fall in love but if you are already in love, then use 'moving in' as a way of testing whether your hormones have made the right choice for you.
Subscribe to articles

10 Biggest Mistakes Women Make Before Getting Married

10. Believing in ‘..and they lived happily ever after”. Women are fed romantic ideals from the day they are born. Books and movies aimed at girls invariably promote the big wedding to the perfect man as the ideal ending, from Snow White to Hilary Duff, from fairy tales to Mills and Boon. Is it any wonder women don’t tend to look past the romance of the wedding to the 50 or so years of marriage that follows! The truth is, marriage is hard work! A more realistic perspective would be that marriage is about 20% happiness, 30% contentment and 50% plain hard work! Going into marriage with a realistic attitude will prevent a lot of disappointment.

9. Believing that they can change him. Women have a tendency to gloss over qualities they don’t like in a man, telling themselves ‘oh, he’ll change’ or ‘I’ll work on that’. It doesn’t work, because you can’t force a person to change. If you do manage to bully him into changing, your relationship will suffer. Either accept and enjoy the differences between you or create an environment that encourages him to want to change for you.

8. Believing that he will always be romantic. Often women have very unrealistic expectations based on the way their partner behaved during the courtship phase. Unfortunately, most men heave a big sigh of relief once they have won you because they think ‘hey, I can relax now and stop doing all that girly stuff’! That doesn’t mean you have to give up on romance, just don’t expect a ‘grand gesture’ every day.

7. Losing self. Getting into an intense relationship before they’ve developed a clear sense of their own identity is another common mistake young women make. Without a clear sense of self, women identify overly with their partner and find it difficult to stand up for themselves and their own needs. A woman with a strong sense of identity, however, is a more interesting and equal partner.

6. Giving up friends and interests. With the thrill of being in love, it is too easy for women to put friends and family, hobbies and sports on the backburner. This is a fundamental mistake to make because a) women depend on support networks throughout their lives and b) men just can’t be everything to a woman. It is asking too much of them. It is important to maintain a happy balance in your life.


5. Rushing into marriage. It almost seems to be a race across the wedding finishing line for many young women. Marriage can last an eternity, but your single 20s only last a decade at the most! Don’t rush into it. Just because you found the man you want to spend the rest of your life with, doesn’t mean you have to marry him straight away. Enjoy your youth so that you will not have any regrets later.


4. Not having conversations about serious issues. Talk to your partner about where you both stand on issues that can make or break a marriage. Talk about the number of children you both want, are you intending to stay home to raise them, where your priorities lie, spending styles, dreams and goals, where you see yourself 20 years from now, parenting styles, sharing of responsibilities, etc. You need to know beforehand if his beliefs are incompatible with yours. This alone can determine how happy or conflicted your marriage is.

Also, have discussions about ground rules. Negotiations should be conducted before you sign on the dotted line. Too many of us rush into marriage and then spend the first decade negotiating the details! Sit down and nut out the details before you get married. Work out the basic rules that you both need to follow in order to have a happy marriage. It is important to be realistic, though, and to not agree to any rules that you know are unreasonable. Sex every day may work for him but it probably won’t for you! Also, realize that these rules may need to be renegotiated now and then, such as when you have children.


3. Having sex before sussing out the guy. Research shows that women are genetically programmed to fall in love with someone they have sex with. Make sure that he is someone you have the potential to be happy with, before you jump into bed with him! Afterwards, your hormones are likely to override your commonsense. This is how the Bree Van Der Camps of the world find themselves married to the Tommy Lee Jones of the world! Sometimes this work because your fundamental beliefs are the same but don’t let your hormones make that decision for you.

2. Settling. A lot of women start to panic if they aren’t married by their mid-20s, and god forbid they reach 30 without being married! That ol’ biological clock starts ticking loudly. The result is that they make excuses and rationalizations to themselves about a relationship that is already dull and past its use-by date, or which they know has serious issues. Marrying someone because you are afraid to be alone is unfair to yourself and your partner. Someone once said ‘I don’t want to spend a lifetime turning a bad relationship into an average one; I want to start with a good relationship and make it a great one’. Hear, hear.

And the No. 1 mistake women make is

1. Getting married because they are ‘in love’. Being in love is not a good enough reason to marry. We can fall in love for many reasons – it doesn’t mean the man you have fallen in love with will be a good partner. Choosing a good partner makes all the difference between having a harmonious marriage and a difficult marriage. You need to seriously question how well you two can work together for a lifetime. Do you complement each other? Does he make you feel like a better person or a lesser one?

I fell in love with 3 completely different men before I finally married. If I had married the first man I fell in love with, I would have ended up with an adrenaline junkie which would have stressful for a couch-and-book lover like me; if I had married the second man I fell in love with, I would have ended up with a compulsive cheater; and if I had married the third man I fell in love with, I would have ended up with an emotionally stunted husband. Each taught me a valuable lesson about what I wanted in a husband. The result is that I married a good man who still spoils me 20 years later.

Marriage can be a wonderful experience. It can be painful, frustrating, hilarious, comforting, annoying and tender. How much it leans to either end of the happiness spectrum depends on you making a good choice of partner at the beginning.
Subscribe to articles