Over the last century, women have fought for –and won - the right to be equal with men but somewhere along the way, they have come to think that equality means acting like men.
Today, girls dress like boys, act like boys, try to keep up with them in terms of drinking, swearing and provocative behavior. You only have to turn on the tv to see images of girls cavorting in pubs, drinking in abandon, flashing their breasts and throwing up. Walk around the shops and you see girls swearing, mirroring masculine stances and walk, wearing clothes that are anything but feminine and showing a complete lack of manners.
Presumably, they think that men are impressed by their ability to keep up with them. However, men are not interested in marrying or falling in love with a female version of themselves. It is in all the ways that women are different from men that appeals – their softness, their femininity, their different way of thinking and viewing life and, of course, their feminine appearance.
Men, by nature, are hunters and protectors and are, therefore, instinctively attracted to women who bring out these natural qualities. It may not be a conscious decision but they will automatically gravitate to those women who are feminine. Women who are bawdy and aggressive may appeal in the short term but for the majority of men, will not be what they want in a wife or the mother of their children.
The Lost Arts
Too many modern women have forgotten how to be feminine, how to be graceful and elegant- how to be ladies, in fact. These are considered old fashioned arts now and are quickly being lost from our culture.
Yet the concepts of femininity and masculinity have not changed in 3000 years because their roots lie in our basic genetic makeup. Although these concepts may look slightly different from culture to culture, they all share some common defining aspects. Masculine men are seen as strong, brave, protective and good providers while feminine women are seen as tender, nurturing, soft, kind and family oriented. Of course, in our modern world, it is perfectly acceptable for men to display some of the feminine qualities and for women to demonstrate some of those masculine qualities.
However, it is becoming increasingly common to see young women who seem to be determined to squash any sign of femininity. This may be because they perceive femininity as weakness or because they think they must behave like men in order to be seen as strong. This manifests itself in several ways – provocative dressing, sexual aggression, loose disguising clothes, talking and acting like ‘one of the boys’.
The irony is that being a lady and tapping into your feminine qualities actually makes you more powerful! Being a lady means having respect for yourself and insisting that others treat you with respect. As Dr Phil always says, you teach others how to treat you. If you don’t require much of the men around you, then you won’t get much! If however, you demonstrate that you believe you are worth their respect and the investment of their time, they will believe it too.
A lady has the confidence that comes from knowing that she is always presenting herself in her best light. A lady shines because she is not feeling self conscious and awkward and is thus free to let her personality show. A lady has an advantage over other women because she treats others with respect and expects to be shown the same respect. A lady attracts the attention of every man in the room, regardless of her beauty or lack thereof, because she has confidence and natural charm, and the ability to make other people feel special.
Before you sneer at this old fashioned concept, consider what being a lady means. The formal definition is ‘a well mannered and considerate woman with high standards’. What aspect of this statement is old fashioned? Having manners and being considerate means behaving in a way that makes other people feel comfortable around you. Having high standards means having respect for yourself.
This long lost art is making a comeback today. Women are slowly realizing that being a lady is a much needed quality today. It gives them an advantage in relationships, in the workplace and inner confidence within themselves. They are also realizing that being a lady – and expecting men to treat them as such – does not mean that they are not equal. Instead, it declares to the world that they are proud to be a woman and that they revel in the unique qualities that make them a woman.
What Can You Do to be More Feminine?
1) Find yourself a feminine role model that you admire, such as Princess Mary, Beyonce or maybe your mother. Everytime you are about to do or say something that might be unfeminine, stop and ask yourself if it is something that person would be.
2) Get a book on etiquette from the library and start practising the lessons in it. The more confident you are in your ability to handle a situation with grace, the more confident in your femininity you will be.
3) Consider going to a finishing school to learn how to be a lady. This will not only give you the skills you need to be a lady but it will allow you to practise those skills.
4) Find someone you consider to be feminine and get them to help you do a makeover. If you look and feel feminine, you are less likely to behave in a way that contradicts it.
5) Avoid situations that you know tempt you into poor behaviour, such as the pub or nightclub scene. At least until you are secure in your new image.
6) Create a vision board with images of the woman you want to be. Clothes, confidence, a good man, a good career - list all the things that will come with the new you.
7) Start each morning with a short visualisation of the woman you want to be. Imagine how you will handle the various situations you might encounter today. Imagine yourself behaving with humour, manners, confidence, generosity, etc.
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